Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
