you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
