yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
