My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
