I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
