How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
