I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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