i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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