I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
