I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
