Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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