Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
