actually, I'm a sock model
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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