You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
