I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
