I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
