Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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