wat bout pragnant strippers??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
