I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
