Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
