He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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