Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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