I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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