I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
