I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
