Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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