god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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