So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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