I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
