I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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