My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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