this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
