Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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