so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
