Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
