I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
