i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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