i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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