watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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