We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
