she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
