Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
