whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
