Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
