Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
