She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
