i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
