Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
