I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
