I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
