He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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