That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
