This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
