Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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