Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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