After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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