Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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