38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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