my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
