I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
