I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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