I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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